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If there’s one thing I wish I’d learned when I first started dating, it’s this: you never have to settle, or be so desperate for a boyfriend or lover that you overlook the things you value, or accept things you dislike in a man.
The temporary gratification of having a date, even if he’s probably not the right one, can lead to problems in the long run.
How do you recognize desperation, though?
You know things are going downhill when you start looking needy to those who know you best. Your over-protective mother may be the exception (perhaps she’s a little too picky when it comes to her children), but she’s probably still right. If your best girlfriends, coworkers, or acquaintances start commenting on your behavior, take a good look at yourself.
How? Know that your likes and dislikes will vary from your partner and it’s okay to be different from our men. However, some differences are major and if you normally hate certain stuff, but willingly ignore it in a guy because you don’t want to lose him, that could be a sign of desperation.
Here is a list of behaviors that–if you’re doing them–could signal desperation on your part:
Generally accepting annoying behavior you normally hate. If the way he eats makes you cringe–smacking lips, pouring ketchup all over his food, talks with food in his mouth–he will only get worse in time. This may be a mild example, but the point is don’t be desperate enough to accept manners and behavior you really despise.
Being okay with his chronic lateness. Once or twice is okay if he has a good excuse. If it keeps happening over and over, that’s a problem. After all, if he’s always late to your activities, you have to wonder if you a priority to him.
And if you know you aren’t his priority, you’re desperate when you stay with someone who you know you don’t matter to.
Hearing him tell too many scary relationship stories. If he has a string of stories that all sound the same with him as the poor “woe is me” victim and the female as the crazy, psychotic abuser who’s out to get him, look elsewhere. If all of his previous relationships were short, you can guess why. Yours won’t be any different. You can do better.
Being okay with his demon children. Not just fussy, normal, over-active and sometimes sassy children, but some that show real signs of aggression, hate, rudeness and do not listen to adults. Yeah, badasses. I don’t mean children with bona fide illnesses, I mean the “I’m a badass, I know it, and I dare you to do something about it” types.
How does he handle them, if at all? If he is aware of the problems and acknowledges they need help, you may be willing to team up with him to work on it and that’s okay for a while at least. But if he’s in total denial and sees only flawless, harmless sweethearts, but you still stay… you may be acting out of desperation.
Not recognizing money matters. Today’s woman generally likes to split the costs of dinner in the beginning, and maybe take a turn now and then at footing the bill for a date. But if he starts expecting you to pay, asks for you to split the dinner bill on the first date, or asks to borrow money; this is a big red flag. You may be looking at a moocher. You can do better. You pretty much must do better in today’s economy.
Now you have some guidelines on what being desperate looks like. Don’t be afraid to make decisions that will keep you from regretting being so desperate for a relationship!
write by Laelia