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Quite a number of marriage relationships become sexually stale with time and need external stimulation. This is not necessarily because of lack of love for one another. It is more because of the pressures of life that a woman has to deal with- work, children, church or volunteer work, extended family. It is difficult to juggle all these and still be sexually alert. She does not pay much attention to herself or her surroundings. However, every wife must always remember that she creates the atmosphere in the home. It is even more so, for the sexual environment that the relationship with her husband can thrive in. What are the things a woman can do to create this environment?
REVAMP HER PHYSICAL SURROUNDING
The appearance of the home is so important to a good sex life. An untidy home is very uninviting and can be bad for good sex. Taking it a step further, a home could be tidy and still feel like a boarding house or hospital or an office instead of a warm inviting place a man wants to come to. A home should be warm and inviting- a haven in which love can thrive and sex can happen spontaneously. It is the woman who can put this kind of home in place. Creating the right environment goes a long way in the sex equation between husband and wife. Most men do not have the ability to create it but enjoy it when the wife has done so because they are stimulated by things they see. That kind of environment allows things to happen naturally.
Not every woman has a natural flair for creating this environment, but there are a lot of resources available these days-magazines, books, the internet. Any woman can get really creative with color in her bed sheets, room walls and furniture. It does not have to cost too much, if women put on their creative hats. However, a woman who prefers to get professional help should do so. It is worth every penny. Women should make the effort to have the best looking home they can have within their budget.
It is difficult to maintain a cozy home when children are growing up. They can get very messy and make it difficult to keep the home clean and smelling nice. For women who live in Africa, the situation is even more difficult. They live with extended family and maids besides their children. They occupy every available space. They take out the coziness of any home. But women must still try. Even if the whole house is taken, there is the room called the Holy of Holies, meant for just husband and wife. Wives should be the ones luring their husbands home by the environment they create by using everything at their disposal- the beauty and fragrance of the flowers, works of art, music, colors and shades. It will help both man and wife relax, forget the crazy world outside and enjoy one another.
GET A MAKEOVER
That men are stimulated by what they see cannot be over emphasized. At the time a man gets married, he likes what he sees in his wife. However after a few years his wife is no longer the woman he married. All the pressures of her married status give her less time for her appearance. Then children come and she begins to put on weight and the looks suffer even more. Such a woman looks at herself in the mirror a few years down the line and feels bad because she is not pleased with what she sees. She drives down the road, sees younger, prettier women with their flat abdomens and begins to wonder what happened to her. The magazines and television adverts don’t make it any easier for her to accept what has happened to her. Of course at this time, her sex life is almost nonexistent. The fire went out with the third child. When last did her husband take a good look at her? When last did he pay her a real compliment? When last did he tell her she is beautiful? When last did she spend a good evening with him?
Her life has become a cycle of work, chores, children, husband, and the one thing that suffers is the woman’s body. She has no time for herself. In trying to get through her daily responsibilities, she does not have time for regular salon visits. She can’t afford the time to shop for nice things, so she flies into the shop and picks up the first thing she finds to buy. Her wardrobe is dreary and lack-luster. However every wife must remember that being and remaining beautiful is paramount to a vibrant sex life. Women don’t all have to look like Naomi Campbell or Jennifer Lopez, but they all need to make some effort to look after their bodies, keep them beautiful and healthy. The husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make.
They should take the time to nurture their hair, skin and nails. Most women go to bed with their make up on, not paying any attention to the damage being done to their skin. They do not follow any skin care routine to keep it young and vibrant.
Shopping for clothes is supposed to be an exciting experience, not a quick detour to the shops. No woman will ever be able to get clothes that bring out the best in her body or accentuate her figure, without spending quality time in the shops. To get the best value for money, a woman must set aside time to enable her buy what is best for her.
Some women dress so drably when they’re home and only dress up when they’re going out. They wear very uncomplimentary boubous (long African gowns) or big t-shirts or shirts and old jeans. Who are they dressing up for? They have forgotten how they used to wear their best clothes whenever their boyfriends were coming over to see them. They have changed from the women who wanted to impress the men. After all they have seen everything.
The husbands leave home every day and see all those pretty girls with their flat tummies and perfectly dressed and made up faces and then come home to a wife with disheveled hair in a boubou or old t- shirts and jeans. This is what a lot of men have to deal with, wives who no longer make the effort to attract them. It should not be so.
Most women never get to enjoy the pleasure of buying underwear. They buy black and white bras. They do the same with their panties. Meanwhile God went to the trouble of creating a beautiful variety of colors between black and white-red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet, the primary colors. Then in between, we still have the peach, turquoise, mauve, marine, mustard etc. Women must get creative in the color spectrum of their under wear. It creates a lot of exhilaration for the husbands. Creativity is the watchword. It is important that women should change their overall appearance every once in a while- hair, nails, clothes, underwear and everything else. It will get the husbands to look again and remember the good old days when it all began.
PAY ATTENTION TO BODY SMELL
A woman’s body smell is so important.Men respond to their senses. Husbands should be able to describe their wives smell to be appealing and sexy. However, smelling good takes quite a lot of effort. To start with, it costs money. It is something women should work at all day, every day, especially in hot and humid weather. It is worth every penny that one can afford. It starts with the soap or detergent with which they wash your clothes, to their bathing techniques and then the use of perfumes and deodorants. It is very important that women smell right to attract their husbands’ attention. It is also essential to stimulating a good sex life.
MAKE THE EFFORT TO MANAGE EXCESS WEIGHT
Whenever the weight issue comes up, some woman will go, ‘here we go again’. It is true every woman cannot be as slim as those girls on the magazine covers. It is also true that fat women are not a cursed species. However, if a woman was a size 12 when she got married, then she should not move too far from there after marriage. It is only fair to try to keep it as close as possible to what the husband saw in the beginning.
Apart from the health implications of being overweight, it does not do any good for the relationship. He still wants to fill like the boy who chased her on campus but he can’t feel that way when she just doesn’t look like she used to. It is difficult to stay there but women can stay close to it. It takes time, effort and a lot of discipline to stay the same but it is worth the effort. It will keep things going in the bedroom. There will be few dull moments because the husband is constantly stimulated by what he sees.
It is possible for the husbands to see even more beautiful versions of the lovely women they married. After all when women get older and more sophisticated, with the weight properly managed, they will look a lot better than they did when they first got married. Remember what they say about old wine. It tastes better the older it gets. That is how the woman is supposed to be-irresistible and even more attractive as she gets older. As they begin to take off the weight the results will be amazing. Much more attention than they’ve got in a long time. Better sex too. It comes as a total package.
MAKE THE EFFORT TO BE A FRIEND NOT JUST WIFE
Sometimes women become so ‘wifey’ that their husbands no longer see them as friends and companions. Of course in that type of relationship, sex can never be interesting or sizzling. At best, it would be routine. So many married men feel they are useful to their wives to the extent that they pay bills and do the needful. But they don’t see them as their trusted friends. Every woman must make the effort to be the one her husband wants to talk to about every and anything. When a husband has great rapport with his wife, lovemaking becomes better. He’s relaxed, He’s himself and there are no false airs and no hidden barriers. There is openness and oneness. It can only make the experience better. Being his friend makes being his wife much easier and is definitely a plus for a stimulating the sexual experience.
At the end of the day, the home should be a place the husband really wants to come back to. It should be warm, inviting and friendly. It requires some work but the benefits are worth it. Women should take cue from the woman in Proverbs 7 who diligently sought the face of the man and found him. She enticed the man ‘I have spread my couch with rugs and cushions of tapestry, with stripped sheets of fine linen of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come let us take our fill of love…’ The man bought her lines. She went to great lengths to get response from the man. She went as far as getting linen from Egypt. That is the same way women should prepare to entice their husbands with everything they have. They will enjoy the rewards of sexual excitement that every married couple should enjoy.
write by Grainne