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“They Say Marriages Are Made In Heaven. But So Is Thunder and Lightning.” ~ Clint Eastwood
1) Harness The Power Of Your Chemistry. Passionate couples who have great chemistry have to learn how to manage their passion. Having an intense chemistry comes with a price. These couples usually have no problems with their love life but boy if they were to get into an argument it could get ugly. These couples can have a fiery redneck side to them with lots of name calling and raised voices. The good news is these couples can learn to control their emotions and still enjoy the power of their relationship.
2) Challenge The Common Belief. It is an accepted truth that all couples argue. No one seems to even question this. I agree all couples have had arguments but I do not believe that all couples have to argue. I believe we become what we believe, so if you believe all couples argue then you set yourself up to have arguments. I suggest you challenge that particular commonly held belief and start saying that you and your partner never argue. Start thinking about the way you would prefer your relationship to be. This can set you on a better path, one without tension and hurt feelings.
3) Minimize Contributing Factors. Chances of having an argument increase significantly if you are tired. They double if you are hungry and have not eaten all day. The odds rise if you had a bad day at work or a tough day with the children. And the sky is the limit if your husband is stressing about money or your wife is having three headed PMS. On days like these, I’d drop back and punt. Don’t try to tackle any major issues.
4) Don’t Keep Poking The Bear. If your partner is upset do not continue to ask them “what’s wrong?” Sometimes people just need a little time and space. You are probably just asking out of genuine concern but if your partner would rather not talk at your prompting; leave them alone.
5) Better Wait Til Tomorrow. I agree you should not go to bed angry but you cannot always resolve your differences by bedtime. In times like this; call a truce; remind your partner that you love them and go to sleep. You know from experience that things usually look better in the morning.
6) Allow Your Partner Room For Mistakes. At the apex of an argument, you might not feel the love, but deep down you know you love your partner. Your partner has probably supported you through many mistakes, so allow them a mistake every now and then.
7) Don’t Be Easily Offended. It’s amazing how couples can become such sensitive little cry babies. Everything can hurt their feelings if they’re not careful. The scripture from I Corinthians in the Holy Bible says love is patient, love is kind and love is not easily angered. You will struggle in your relationship if you’re too thin skinned (but don’t be too thick either).
8) Don’t Underestimate The Power Of An Apology. Saying “I’m sorry” can quickly diffuse most tense situations but it must be sincere and heartfelt. Don’t abuse apologies to such a point that your partner counters with a statement of how you always apologize but nothing changes. Don’t be so stubborn that you never apologize either. Many proud people view saying “I’m sorry” as some form of weakness. Be careful if you think this way, because it can really cost you. Or perhaps you can learn to say “I’m sorry” in your next marriage.
9) Consider Getting Some Therapy. If your relationship has become too argumentative and you can’t seem to break the cycle; then look into the option of counseling. A good therapist can teach you the tools to stop the destructive patterns.
10) Take A Look In The Mirror. If you focus on how your partner is at fault; you will never fix the problems in your relationship. The secret to a true breakthrough is to take time to consider how YOU contribute to the conflicts. This may be another good reason to pursue therapy. Most of us never clearly see how we shoot ourselves and our relationship in the foot without the insight from an outsider.
11) Don’t Leave and Don’t Threaten Divorce. Walking out of the house when angry stirs up feelings of abandonment and can quickly escalate the situation. It is better to go to another room, on the back porch or just take a walk. You want to give your partner a message that “I’m here for better or worse and through thick and thin.”
12) Don’t Follow Them Into The Next Room. If your partner is trying to cool down; let them. Give up your right to get in the last word and your need to make up on your time table.
13) It’s Good To Keep Your Mouth Shut If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say, But The Silent Treatment Can Be Considered Abuse. Do not allow a day to go by without at least acknowledging your partner. This may simply to say “good morning”, “goodbye and have a nice day” or “goodnight”. It is cruel to emotionally withdraw yourself from the relationship. You must be bigger than your feelings and at least demonstrate common courtesy.
14) Kiss And Make Up. I’ve seen couples enter my office mad as hell and the entire matter is resolved by them simply looking each other in the eye and saying “I Love You.”
write by Elmer