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Are you having problems with your wife or girlfriend and feel like she is one argument away from an aneurysm? Does she scream and yell at the slightest provocation? Do you feel like she will never be happy and that she goes so crazy, you think you might just up and leave?
If you feel this way, you aren’t alone. We’ve all heard about crazy women and I’m sure that guys get together and all talk about wild arguments with tiger-wives and how nuts their women can get over the smallest incident.
But let me just say that taming a crazy woman is actually so easy, you would be amazed. It’s about as easy as it is for Adriana Lima to get a man hard. The key to calming her and bringing her back to loving you is all about handling her in the right way AND doing it QUICKLY, before she starts to boil.
During an argument, men want to take space to let the air clear or to think things through, but when a woman starts to get upset, you have to defuse her anger fast. Space and time to think make her spiral out of control and into Crazyville.
Her Craziness Is Actually A Plea For Your Love & Help
The best way to unplug her from her crazy place is to speak to her hurt, not to her anger.
Every ‘crazy’ woman has a mushy center. In fact, I would bet to say that the crazier the woman (I’m using crazy loosely here, if she is really insane and suffering with mental illness, then that’s a different article) the more mushy the center. Loud explosive, volatile, raging, tirading women are actually extremely sensitive and they experience hurt very intensely.
A woman acts crazy because she feels like she is emotionally in survival mode. She feels, at that moment, something so strong inside that I would equate it with being shoved out of a car in the middle of the desert and having nowhere to go. She feels abandoned and completely alone. In fact, I have spoken to women clients who say that a man who emotionally abandons them wounds them worse than if he had just punched her in the face.
You could have done something you felt was small- ditched out on her for the weekend or told her you didn’t think you were ready for a commitment- but to her, you might as well have said that she is an unlovable piece of trash. Yes, it’s that extreme of a feeling for her.
Does the fact she acts crazy mean that she has low self-esteem? Not necessarily. What I would equate with her having low self-esteem is more how YOU behave in the relationship. If you aren’t an honorable, completely honest, giving, loyal and tender man to her, then she has low self-esteem. Why? Because women with healthy levels of self-confidence only waste their time with good men. If you embody all of these great qualities and she is still constantly on your case like a raging hyena, I would say that she is either mentally ill or you aren’t clear on what she needs from you.
See, women need different things than men think they do. A man could be following all the right steps with a woman (buying her things, listening to her, romancing her, pleasing her sexually, making her laugh, etc.), but if he isn’t emotionally available to her (opening up himself, talking about commitment, expressing a desire to take care of her for a long time, inviting her into his life by revealing his secrets, remaining in the room during an argument, etc.), then she may feel that he is not ‘safe’.
WOMEN NEED TO FEEL SAFE. If you get nothing out of this article, know that much about us. By safe, I don’t mean financially or spiritually, I mean emotionally. We need to feel like you are not going to bail on us when times get tough, or hide parts of yourself from us, or make your need for validation from all women more important than your need to be loved exclusively by us. If we feel like you are too worried about how other women see you or that you place a higher priority on your ‘male freedoms’ than on us, we are going to feel unsafe with you.
How To Tame A Crazy Woman
The GOOD NEWS is that you can turn off her ‘crazy’ in a heart beat. You can take her from 60 back down to 2 in a matter of seconds. How? You have to connect with her heart instead of trying to rationalize with the crazy monster part of her that is throwing the remote at your head. I repeat: STOP RATIONALIZING WITH HER.
Now, by talking to her heart, I don’t mean a schmooze speech (“Baby, you know I love you. Why are you acting like this? I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”) Please don’t talk to her like your some idea of a stallion who can sweet-talk the babes. She will see right through it. Even if she buys it, she will go crazy all over again in a few days. Why? Because you really aren’t being sincere, you are just telling her what she wants to hear.
To talk to a woman’s heart, you have to come from a genuinely loving place. You have to be able to see the little, scared girl with pink-tails and a pouty lip who is underneath all that screaming. She is there, I promise you, and she is TERRIFIED and DESPERATE for your love.
Right now, imagine what your woman looked like as a little girl. How ADORABLE was she? Was she silly, goofy, shy, loud? Was she short, pudgy, freckly or spunky? Take a moment to see her in your head and fall in love with that adorable li’l princess (or tomboy) who could give the devil back his angel wings with one toothless smile.
You feel that part of you right now that is warm-hearted for her? You feel that part of you that wants to take care of her, protect her, hold her and kiss her gently? That feeling has to be the springboard for your communication with her when she is on the verge of crazy.
When she looks like she’s about to get angry: Look her in the eyes, connect with her (even if you have to get in her face) and you tell her that she is your everything and that you are sorry. You don’t have to apologize for your actions if you feel you weren’t wrong, but my god, apologize for the way you made her feel.
Do it calmly and touch her while sending her love with your eyes. She needs to know that you are listening (not with your ears, but with your FULL attention) and that you want to help her feel safe again. (She is acting like a maniac because she feels unsafe).
Do not talk down to her! Talk to her like you KNOW she is better than the way she is acting but that you aren’t superior to her just because she is hyper emotional.
Then I want you to wait for her to connect with you and to calm down. She may continue to scream and yell for a few beats, but you have to stay with her and not give up on that li’l girl inside her. It is YOUR DUTY, as her man, to take care of that li’l girl inside that raging woman and tend to her young, scared feelings.
You can still tell her to stop yelling, throwing things, blaming, etc. Be firm, be direct but be an adult to that li’l girl. Once your ‘li’l boy’ starts yelling back, calling her crazy, ditching out on her or stonewalling her– you’ve lost your power. You have become as infantile as her.
Be An Honorable Man
Defusing a woman’s crazy rage isn’t going to work if you only talk the talk and don’t walk the walk. You can’t speak to a woman’s heart and then turn around the next day and treat her like an option, a doormat, a sex kitten, a baby mama, the biggest fan in your fan club of many, etc. You have to treat her like… are you listening?… she holds your worth as a man in her heart.
She has to be your priority, your confidante, YOUR safe place, your idol, your light at the end of the tunnel, your cherished savior-angel, your ego boost. And I know right now you want to tie her up to a tree, lather her up in honey and leave her for a hungry bear, but if you can have the confidence to stop listening to her darkside that is in survival mode and start loving the li’l girl inside her, you will change it all around within days.
The beautiful thing about women is that if you make them feel safe in the ways I mentioned above, 9 out of 10 will step up and be a safe place for you. They will hold all your secrets, keep your dreams alive and will fill your life with light.
‘Crazy’ women (overly emotional and explosive) are no exception. In fact, crazy broads have a side that is magnificent. Crazy women have a side to them that WORSHIPS a man. Why? Because they are more infantile than other women (remember the li’l girl) and they see you like a daughter does a father— worshiping eyes and a radiant glow to their being!
When your lady goes bonkers, remember that she isn’t targeting you or trying to hurt you. I know it feels like that; I know you think she’s some sadist with a great set of tits, but her anger isn’t about you. It’s about what you have triggered inside her– she feels like she is fighting for her life. I know it sounds strange and dramatic, but it’s true. If you speak to her from the heart and really try to HEAR her pain and tell her that you are sorry and that you want to always take care of her feelings, she won’t know what to do. You will have saved her from you. That’s how she will feel– like you came along and rescued her from the you that you were a minute ago. You will be her hero, even if you were the instigator.
*If you are being physically abused, please leave her or seek counseling.
write by Erica