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I sat down in my room today, after reading an article online of an interview with Bianca Ojukwu, a former winner of the most beautiful girl in Nigeria con test (MGBN) during the 80s. I began to think really hard when I got to the part where she had to explain what kind of person her husband is. Her husband the famous and patriotic Dim Odumegwu Ojukwu for those who do not know him was the president of the secessionist state of Biafra in Nigeria. Those of us who know him, have read about him, or who have watched him on TV or you tube, know the type of person he is. One of the many qualities I believe he possesses apart from the obvious is his charisma. There is charisma and then there is CHARISMA, that man has got some serious CHARSIMA. Anyway I laughed and awwwed many times. I thought wow! How cute. Suddenly from no where I realized something and I got to thinking. “is it possible that some men do not cheat?” pause…and then I thought, “If it is possible, why do these men not cheat, what makes them different from other men?” “what type of men are they?”
Yes! I know, I know, you probably think this is just one of the many articles on why men cheat, Do men cheat? Etc, some of you probably expect me to say “oh he doesn’t cheat because he loves you” or he doesn’t cheat because “you are just too pretty and he can’t find anyone as pretty as you” well, I am very sorry to bust your bubble but in my own humble opinion I do not believe in any of those myths.
Do I believe men cheat? Yes I do. Do I believe some men do not cheat? Yes I do. But guess what? the percentage of men who cheat compared to that of men who do not cheat is quite high, that is certainly not news to your ears, I am sure. In my opinion, I would say about 95% (just estimating, however I am almost very certain that this is the case) of men cheat, the rest…well we will find out why it is they do not cheat.
I know, it is pretty sad to hear that more than half of the men in this world cheat, but however lets look on the bright side, at least 5% of them have the decency not to cheat.
I would like to add before I continue that this article does not intend to insult or bash men, neither does it intend to condone cheating in any way, it is also not a fact, but my own humble opinion, an opinion that I believe I am entitled to. That being said, nobody is obligated to agree or disagree, just enjoy the article and do whatever you please with it.
….so where was I, yes how sad it is that most men cheat and only a few do not. Yes it is sad. The question here is not how but why these men do not cheat? and another question would be how can a woman get her husband to be like the man that does not cheat?. I will answer in a bit. But first let me give you the answer to the last question, which I am sure a lot of women are dying to hear. Unfortunately it is not good news. There is no way to stop your husband from cheating, I am sorry, but again this is my humble opinion. If a man can cheat once, he will always be a cheat, make no mistake about it. He might change…for a few years, maybe more if you are lucky, however he will jump right back at it. Why? Because that is just who he is. A cheat! Harsh but true. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to change either, he probably really wants to, but really just cant help it.
Now let me try to answer the first question, which is the main point to this article. “why do these men who do not cheat, not cheat? I’ll give you my humble opinion. First, these men do not cheat because they are too proud, they do not cheat because they are arrogant, they do not cheat because they are very selfish, they do not cheat because they have too much respect for themselves, they need to be respected. I call this my famous **PASR** PROUD, ARROGANT, SELFISH BUT RESPECTED At this point you might say well PAR makes a little sense, but the “S” FOR SELFISHNESS just does not make any sense. How can he be selfish, right? He isn’t a cheat after all. Hold on I will explain.
The truth is we are all humans. Unfortunately human nature as the famous philosopher Thomas Hobbes so nicely put it is “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” It Is human nature for men to act the way they do. Men are said to be like animals, They tend not to think much before acting, they just act spontaneously, not thinking much about the consequence of their action. It is in their nature to see a woman and want to admire her beauty, some obviously take the admiration to another level, and that is when the cheating begins. There are different types of cheats, the ones who claim to cheat but they still love their wife, those who claim they cheat because they are real men, “a mans man” “not gay”, The ones who cheat and do not give a rats a#$ what anyone thinks, and then the ones who cheat right in front of their wives and sometimes kids. To be honest they are all cheats. The fact that the act did take place, whether it was just a kiss, felt her a little, or went all the way, all of it is cheating. “Little kiss?”, “a little touch?”, “happened once?”, you still cheated.
Now there are men that do not cheat, the remaining 5%. This does not mean that these men do not admire an attractive looking woman when they see one because they do. They are humans after all. There are different types of men who do not cheat. The ones who look and admire, the ones who look admire, and have thoughts about… for one second, and the ones who admire and have a few more minutes thinking about… with the woman or what it would feel like. The most important thing to note here is that these men only admire from afar, however long they admire for, the fact is they do not act on it. In fact a lot of them if not all of them find it hard telling other women even though they are thinking it, that she looks really good, hot, sexy, whatever. Though that is all they mean to say, they still just refuse to even go there, that Is too far for them. That is crossing the line. Their ego just won’t let them do it. Its not crossing the line because of the pretty wife at home, NO! its crossing the line because of themselves. Confusing??
The big question comes next. Why?
As I already said, these men are very proud, they are very arrogant, they cherish their respect, and they are very selfish people. Very self centered. Again my humble opinion. How can men like this not cheat? You ask, read the list again and think very carefully. I am not saying that “not cheating” has nothing to do with the gorgeous or not so gorgeous wife they have at home, or the respectful or not so respectful kids they have at home, It does have a little to do with it. Note the word “LITTLE” believe me when I say the wife and children have very little to do with the man not cheating. For the most part they care too much about what people think of them, what people will think of them. “I mean why should I cheat, yes she is pretty damn cute, but who is she anyway?, why should I tarnish my image because of this girl. After all there are so many other pretty girls like her.” A bit of arrogance, a bit of pride, a bit of selfishness. I say selfishness because it is selfish that the reason why they won’t cheat is because they are thinking about “ME” and not other people. I.e., wife, and children. The reason for not cheating has nothing to do with the fact that the wife is the prettiest woman ever, or the wife cooks everyday, or the wife is patient and understanding, or trustworthy, or God has said cheating is a sin, or the children are all in Harvard and Oxford and Yale, It is not because he has such a beautiful family. It is all because of that one word “ME” (not me, as in chinny, but me as in the man in question, the 5%)
The fact is all men are humans, and it is in the human nature of a man to see a woman and admire, it depends on how far the admiration goes. These men that do not cheat have what we call too much respect for themselves, “obsessive compulsive “respect for myself” disorder” is what I call it. I am not sure whether it is meant to be a good thing or a bad thing.
It is quite possible to recognize the 5% when you see them. Merely from the way they walk, act, talk. These men are very careful. Sometimes it can be very hard to please them, but they are most of the time quite nice. They are quite arrogant, they think to highly of themselves, and they are very proud, they cannot just imagine anyone looking down on them or thinking less of them or being disappointed with him just because he slept with some girl. To these men, all that is just not worth it. It just isn’t good for their health. His image is just too important, too precious to risk. These men are very charismatic. A lot of them are very simple, but these men have principles, morals, they stick to what they believe is right to them and they will not for any reason or for anyone go against what they believe. Mind you all this is to benefit them, again it has very little to do with the ones they love, I.e. his wife and children. They are proud too proud to cheat, too arrogant to cheat, too into themselves to cheat, and just too selfish to cheat. I want you to understand that when I use these terms I am using them in the same context with cheating. But also you have to understand that because these men have these attributes, they just will not cheat. Some of them might actually really want to, why? Because they are human…because they are men, they see a cute looking gal, and they think about what it would be like. However they just will not, these attributes they have just will not allow them too. I call it an obsessive disorder, it is what it is.
What is really my point? It is very simple. I have heard statements like “he wont cheat if you cook all the time,” “He is a true man of God”, he is a full blown Christian”, some women think they have to be bitches to tame the man, and that would make him too scared to cheat, statements like “just be the best wife, clean the house, do his laundry, have his breakfast lunch and dinner ready all the time, don’t argue with him, etc etc, and etc again. And of course who would forger one of the so called reason why a man cheats; statements such as “stay slim, go to the gym, have a banging body, and he won’t cheat. I am sorry, but it isn’t true. Women understand that, “it Is not your fault, whether you are too fat, too skinny, too nice, not too nice, too short, too tall, too pretty, not too pretty, too erratic, too boring, not good in bed, really good In bed, to loose, easy to get, hard to get, a cheat, not a cheat, etc it will not, I repeat it will not change anything, he is a cheat and that is about it. I am not saying that the above list does not contribute to a man not cheating, or a man cheating, of course it does. In one way or another it does contribute, but has very little importance to men. It is very plain and simple and there is no point to hide it. A man who is a cheat will always be a cheat, he might stop, but he will continue from where he stopped soon. The fact that a man has done it once, just means that he can do it again, it means that he is not part of the 5% who have the infamous “PASR” attributes. He is one of the 95% of men who cheat. ):
Please also note that I am not saying that these men who do not cheat are particularly good or bad people. Because the reason behind it is not all that great either. However we must or at least I respect them, because it is a difficult thing to do. But somehow they do it. So they get my biggest respect for that. Its funny because I know of men who cheat, and even though some of them might be the nicest sweetest man in this world, that respect I would have had for them had they not cheated will just not be present. I look at them, and I do not respect them, I do not take them seriously. If there where a situation where being rude or disrespectful was called for, say for example a man who cheats on his wife, and we get into some argument for some reason or another, I will not hesitate to laugh at his face, and to say whatever I like to him, why? This is because he is a cheat and therefore has no respect for himself, therefore does not demand respect from anyone…obviously. For a man to be able to cheat means that he is in fact shameless, and does not think highly of himself, for a man to be able to cheat he is not worth being with, cheating, calls for all sorts of demeaning behaviors; constantly having to lie, sneaking around, and so on. I am sorry but those attributes in a man are extremely shameful (for lack of a better word). I refuse to respect a man who calls his wife from another city telling her he is at a meeting, while his mistress is rubbing his back in a hotel bed, I refuse to respect a man who sneaks into the bathroom in the middle of the night to text or call his lover, I refuse to respect a man who has sex with another woman who is not his wife or girlfriend and comes home to eat the food cooked by the wife, hahaha! I laugh in the faces of these men because they might think it is the cool thing to do, but trust me, you have no idea how much people do not respect you. From the ten year old girls who have heard from some aunty or older cousin that you are a cheat, to the 80 year old woman who feels sorry for you. We (women) do not respect you. Not for any reason. Once you do it, you have put yourself in that 95% category and that is it.
For the men, the 5% who do not cheat, although you do it for the most part for the wrong reasons, I respect you. I salute you! Because I know it is very hard. I respect you because you respect yourself. Even if you might be a wicked person, I still respect you because I would be too scared not to, the fact that you think so highly of yourself makes me too scared to even think of disrespecting you for any reason, and if I disrespect you, trust me when I say that inside of me I am a bit scared. Everybody respects you, and you know it. You have demanded respect and you have gotten it because you do deserve it. I mean just from the way you carry yourself, your charisma, in fact I find it quite sexy. You are so calm, and collected, very reserved, and very hard to please, but I like the challenge. I respect you because it is hard, it is indeed tough to see a hot attractive sexy looking woman and admire her from afar, when you could possibly grab her and tear of her clothes. In fact the funny thing is men like you tend to attract more women, because it Is hard to get you, you are a tough one. Your charisma, (note how I say charisma, and not swagger, they are two different things). Your charisma is beyond me. I say to you keep on keeping on! You are respected by all, they might not admit it, they might not show it, even your fellow men, not just women, the men who cheat respect you, they would be too scared not to, the fact that you respect yourself so much, makes them respect you, even though they don’t want to. Keep on being proud, keep on being arrogant, keep on being selfish, yes! Be that way so that I am forced to respect you, even when I do not want to, if these attributes prevent you from cheating, whether it is to please yourself, please I beg you keep these attributes because even if it might not be your intention it pleases me, and if I where the wife to a 5% man I would be pleased.
I am very sorry to the women whose husband cheat or have cheated, enjoy the times when they say they will change, because some of them actually do change…however they will continue from where they stopped. For those women who are the wives and girlfriends of the 5% men who do not cheat, I envy you, and in fact I respect you for being able to be with that type of a man. Its not easy. I can only hope and pray that I find me a 5% man, a PASR man.
I salute you all!
write by Olwen