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When someone emerges from the devastation of a broken relationship they are vulnerable to making unwise decisions because they are alone, desperate and craving comfort and compassion from other human sources. And sometimes they are automatically drawn to characteristics that they have become accustomed to over the course of the recent past.
So many people who come out of an old relationship like this tend to do something that they should never do. They gravitate toward characteristics that had become the norm of everyday life in the past. Instantly, as if driven by a hidden instinct, they rebound into another relationship even before they have had time to heal from the last one. The reasons for not doing this are so numerous that scores of books have been written to advise people to stop themselves from jumping the gun in that fashion, so to speak.
This should be avoided at all costs, and one of the main reasons why is because you usually end up with someone very familiar to the one you’re no longer with. What this interprets to is that you’re moving from one doomed relationship and diving headlong into another. Because you’ve barely had time to recover from the last relationship, you’re going to be drawn automatically to someone who reminds you of your ex. This can mean a physical appearance, certain mannerisms, or simply the way he speaks, which can all remind you of your ex. This is something that is not only possible to do, but it takes place all the time.
There are great examples of this, two in particular, that are covered in episodes from two of the funniest sit-coms on TV. In the show “Frasier,” an actor that closely resembled the Niles character was brought in as someone who Daphne had a short encounter with. She didn’t realize what she had done, but Niles most definitely did. On the show “Friends,” Rachel is dating a guy named Russ, when she still has very strong feelings for Ross. Of course these two men were identical in the way they talked and acted because they were both played by actor David Schwimmer. Makeup was used to alter the physical appearances slightly, but still the actions were obviously similar. Everyone recognized this except for Rachel until it was pointed out to her what she had unconsciously done.
This was all arranged to make the point that you have to be careful about jumping from the frying pan into the fire when you’ve just emerged from a relationship. Give yourself plenty of time that you would need to fully heal and totally move on away from your ex. When enough time has been allowed to pass before returning to the dating scene, you’ll find that it is much easier to hook up with someone who will not even resemble the person you left in the past. You’ll be able to keep your eyes open and focus on others that will fascinate you and connect with different parts of you.
That point where you’re able to be drawn to someone completely different rather than your ex, is when you have reached the time where you can start dating again. At that point you can allow yourself the chance to appreciate different qualities in people who may really be better for you than your ex. You’ll realize the difference and recognize how they can make your life happier. The difficulties in your past relationship happened for a reason. It’s something that you certainly don’t want to repeat any pattern of in a new relationship. That’s why you simply have to let things go and give yourself the chance to heal, and then distance yourself as far away from your past as you possibly can.
write by Thekla