black t shirt|
Life wasn’t meant to be easy and it sure isn’t at times. Smooth sailing, piece of cake…I don’t think so. Ask anyone who is grieving how life is and they’ll soon tell you!
Painful situations occur at many junctures throughout our life, some easier than others. Grieving has to be up there as one of the hardest situations in life that we will ever face. Getting our life back into some semblance of “order”, some semblance of “better”, some semblance of “living” is bound to have challenges….huge challenges which before we even realise can turn into insurmountable obstacles.
What is the difference then between an obstacle and a challenge?
A challenge is something that will test you beyond where you thought you could ever go, it will stretch you, pull you and just about pulverise you as you face it and go through it.
An obstacle on the other hand is something that will hold you back, harness you and halt you totally! There will be no “better”, there will be no “living”, there will be right where you are right now! You will be stuck and oftentimes you won’t even know it, you won’t even recognise it because it fits around you seamlessly fitting into your life as it is now. It has become part of you.
I’ve come up with 7 common obstacles that may keep you stuck in the pain of grief and in a place you don’t want to be, for much longer than you want to be there.
1. The obstacle of independence – Doing it all alone.
2. The obstacle of time – Time alone heals.
3. The obstacle of the past – If only, I wish.
4. The obstacle of black rain clouds – There is nothing else.
5. The obstacle of stuffing – Down you go emotions.
6. The obstacle of guilt – I can’t go on = betrayal.
7. The obstacle of never – I will never……
Obstacles have stalled me many times in my grief but many times I’ve broken through, I’ve changed something, I’ve tried something else. I’ve thought about something else. I’ve given myself the opportunity to heal as best as can. Has it been easy…..NO! Did I think I could…..NO! Did I face another, a greater, a bigger obstacle sometimes…..YES! Did I have days where the obstacles won…..ABSOLUTELY! I had those days where I was paralysed and days where I’ve just let go and thought….tomorrow, not today. But then I had a day where I did climb over and that is my wish for you.
Clamour over those obstacles…..
….reach out for support, connect with someone who can help you.
….whilst time may alleviate the acute pain of grief; it won’t help you to live a life that means something to you now. The choices you make and what you do with your time is what will make the difference.
…..take time every day to focus on something here and now or something for the week ahead that brightens your spirits a little, however small that is.
….seek out something that uplifts you inspires you and comforts you each and every day.
….find ways to express your emotions safely and in a way that feels right for you.
…know that finding a new way of living your life never means betraying your loved one, they would rejoice I am sure to see you more at peace. They will be part of your life as it shifts and changes.
….never is a big statement. It pretty much excludes everything else. Open your vocabulary up to maybe, the change can feel massive!
Can you relate? What’s your biggest obstacle?
write by Piper