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Internet dating is all about the meeting. Emailing doesn’t really count; in fact, emailing at your computer in your sloppy t-shirt and faded shorts is not dating. Dating takes two people, a little conversation, and a glass of wine or a cup of coffee. And it also requires a first meeting.
Right now, your job on that first meeting is to have fun. Having fun means cruise gently and try not to judge harshly. Men and women notice rather different things; I know this because I’ve researched the topic. In fact, this unscientific survey is brought to you courtesy of my friends and acquaintances, all middle aged and dating on the Internet. They were all asked the same simple question and yes, the sex card was played. Or it was at least mentioned.
What Women Notice About Men in the First 5 Minutes
It sure helps if you’re a fun guy, out to make us happy. Since we’re programmed for details, we pick up on certain things. We’ll notice, for example, your offer of an appetizer to accompany that glass of Cabernet. How very thoughtful of you to realize that we didn’t have much time to eat. Why? We were too busy primping for our first meet with you.
o In the 1st second, we notice your smile. If it’s there, that’s all it takes to predispose us to liking you. “If a guy isn’t smiling when we meet,” says Brenda, 57, “I’m thinking he lacks basic social graces. My interest level plummets.”
o The 3rd second tells us if you’re comfortable with a bit of small talk. “So nice to finally meet you,” puts us at ease.
o By the 5th second, we’ll notice if you have hair or if you’re just pretending by doing the comb over.
o Around the 6th second we know if you’re shorter than your profile stats…or way shorter.
o Five seconds later, we’ve got a handle on your definition of average weight, even if it’s a loose definition.
o By the time we hit 18 seconds we know if you’re confident in spite of hair loss, the break-up-induced weight gain you told us about on the phone, and if we positively never, ever want to sleep with you.
o But in 20 seconds we know if we’d consider sleeping with you. No, that doesn’t translate to sex on the first date. Certainly that decision hinges on the whole darn evening and even then, we may not be sure.
What Men Notice About Women in the First 15 Seconds
In the first 15 seconds, even if it is just a first meet, we’ve checked out your face for a smile, body (Did you perchance post a photo of a ten year old thinner version of you?), and confidence level. And, understand something. We know if we want to sleep with you. We can’t help it; we’re men, even if we’re middle aged men. We’ve got ideas. It doesn’t mean we’re plotting, but it’s a beginning.
And that’s not bad, not bad at all.
write by Tim Marshall Jr