[ux_latest_products columns=”4″ title=”Check our Latest products!”]
What did you wear on the first date with your partner? I may not remember the exact outfit, but I remember the routine. I’d start getting ready about two hours or more before the date was to begin. I was so excited and wanted to look my best for him. The hair had to be perfect. The outfit had to not only be pretty, but it also had to make me look my shapliest. Makeup had to be applied just right but not too heavy. And most importantly, I had to find the sexiest shoes to wear. Who can relate?
I can only guess what the guys went through. If I had to guess, I’d say that they probably didn’t start getting ready quite as early as the girls, but they definitely went above and beyond the grooming protocol, complete with a good close shave, a long steamy shower, and enough cologne to choke a horse. And girls, don’t fool yourselves. The guys probably took just as long to pick out an outfit to wear; finding just the right jeans to make their backside look desirable, a shirt to accent their muscles, and not a hair out of place. If you watched closely enough, you may have even caught him sucking in the gut and pumping up the chest just a little bit as well. Ah – first impressions… they’re so important. Why was it so important? Because you wanted to impress the hell out of him!
Sadly, as the years pass, the routine doesn’t seem to hold up as well as it did when you first fell in love. It’s not that we don’t want to look good anymore, it’s just that we get comfortable with our partner, and looking our best is no longer a priority. The thought that “we’re already married, and I don’t need to do that anymore” seems to be common with most people in long term relationships. I think that we become less worried about what our partners think of us. So we get into a habit of wearing sweats, oversized t-shirts, hair twisted in a bun on the top of our heads to keep the hair out of our eyes while we clean toilets, scrub floors and chase children.
The men see nothing wrong with wearing the same clothes for five days straight. They think nothing of using their shirt as a napkin and don’t seem to find it important to zip the pants anymore. And, in an odd way, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you can be comfortable around your partner and not feel insecure, then good for you. But if you notice a complete lack of hygiene or weight gain or loss, this may be a sign of an unhappy or even depressed partner. It’s one thing to be comfortable, but it’s another thing to completely let yourself go. That may indicate that there is something very wrong in the relationship. RED FLAG – The change in appearance is obvious and needs to be addressed. But there are other changes of appearance as well. Read on….
Here’s another warning sign that something may be very wrong in the relationship. What if, all of a sudden, you see your spouse beginning to lose weight(in a healthy way); they start going to the gym five times a week; a new wardrobe is purchased; trips to the hairdresser are more frequent? Of course you may start to wonder why, out of the blue, it’s important again for them to look their best. True, some people may just want to get fit. It’s not uncommon for people to go through a stage in life where they fear getting older and don’t want to look their age. So they start taking better care of themselves. If that were the case, usually they would want to be joined by their partner not only for moral support, but also for the partner to get into shape as well. But if they do not invite you to join them in getting fit or looking better, yet you notice they are working hard at it every day, that would be a good time to assess what is happening.
This behavior should turn on the lightbulb. When you start thinking back to when you used to work hard at looking your best, you realize that you were doing it to impress someone. And even if there wasn’t someone specific to look good for, you still got all dressed up and groomed your best if you were going out to socialize. Chances are you would be meeting new people and wanted to make a great first impression. So herein lies the dilemma. You now have that sinking feeling that there may be someone new in the picture or that the relationship has gotten so bad that your partner is ready to move on and find someone new. What do you do?
If you remember Part 2 of this series, COMMUNICATION is crucial. That should be your first step! If you are not communicating, and you see evidence of your partner trying to change their appearance, there are a multitude of things that cross your mind. This puts you in a defense mode, and without discussing what is going on with the change of appearance, your imagination runs wild. This in itself causes conflict in the relationship. You need to address those warning signs as soon as you start to see a change. I’ve found that there are several ways to approach this situation. Every relationship is unique and no two relationships are exactly alike.
I started to compile different approaches to these warning signs since I realized over the years of working with clients that if two couples were in the same predicament, the way to approach each couple’s problems were completely different. What worked for one did not work for the other. So after some long research and trial and error, I came up with a program that seemed to work for all my clients, regardless of how different their situations were. My RRR(relationship, rescue & repair) Program has been effective with so many clients that I rarely, if ever, have to make adjustments to the Program. Learning the right approach is crucial in salvaging a relationship gone bad. I have worked very hard on finding a universal approach to help guide couples to a happy and healthy life together.
write by Rowena