black t shirt|
I had another one of those conversations with a customer at the club last night. His wife was out of town so he came in for a visit. When I asked him why he didn’t bring her, he said, “She’d kill me if she knew I was here.”
I hate that! I asked him why she would want to kill him, expecting him to say something about the two most common reason women hate strip clubs.
The two most common reasons, in case you’re wondering, are:
1. The woman doesn’t trust her partner and imagines that he’s actually having sex in a strip club. Now, with the exception of certain places in Providence and Las Vegas, a strip club is probably the last place you’re going to have sex.
2. She’s jealous that he’s going to pay attention to another woman instead of her, and she craves more intimacy with him.
Both of these reasons indicate a lack of honest, open communication. But my friend last night said that he and his wife do great in the communications department. I decided not to point out that lying to your partner about where you’re going isn’t exactly honest, open communication, but I digress.
Instead, he said that she thinks women who work at such establishments are being victimized and objectified.
Objectified; occasionally that’s true. But my experience is more often that men come in looking for companionship and connection. They want to talk and get to know you before deciding if they want to go for a dance. Maybe that’s me, because I’m older than most exotic dancers and I tend to gravitate toward older men.
Victimized; never. If anyone is being victimized in a strip club, it’s the men. I’ve seen dancers take guys that were so drunk they didn’t know their own names, drag them downstairs and bleed every last dollar out of their wallets. I’m sorry to say that I’ve heard dancers lie about how many dances they’d done (note to guys: if you think you’re being ripped off, ask the bouncer how many dances you did. It’s his job to keep track of that.) Months ago, we even had a dancer who tried to steal her customers’ wallets. Needless to say, she got caught and was fired.
It is true that some dancers work because of drug problems, and some do feel like they don’t have any other viable options open to them. But haven’t you heard of people, friends or even yourself, who feel like they’re trapped in their jobs because of their responsibilities? An uneducated woman can make more money dancing than she can flipping burgers, and if she’s got a child or children, that can be powerful motivation. But for every dancer with a drug problem, there are three more putting themselves through college by dancing. For every woman who feels trapped, there are two or three more who truly love their job.
My friend’s wife is what I would call an old school feminist. I used to be one of those. When I was in my 20’s, if a guy complimented my physical appearance, he’d probably regret it. I would usually lash out at him, feeling objectified. I wanted to be appreciated for my brains, not my beauty. I had bought into that old idea that men and women were supposed to be equal, but using the male standard. So I was a type-A business woman, wearing power suits and acting strong.
Now I know better. That whole line of thought doesn’t serve women. It tells us that we need to act like men, as if there’s something wrong with being a woman. Men are great at some things, and women are equally great at totally different things. The new feminism honors what’s great about women. The new feminism wants men to be men and women to be women. We are quite different, but equally valuable. When we honor both, we can learn to fully honor our whole selves, because each of us is a combination of masculine and feminine traits.
I’ve long said that women who hate strip clubs have mostly never set foot in one. I know the one I work at is very female friendly; in fact, Sunday night is our unofficial “couples night.” I’ve had several couples tell me how much they love coming to appreciate the beauty and skills of the dancers, and they go home feeling more connected and amorous. I often tease them, saying that my job is to get them all riled up so they go home and have the best sex of their lives. God, I love my job! And ladies, if you haven’t tried it, don’t knock it.
write by voeun say